the joshua tree

i don't remember having ever seen my brother cry before that. right there, in the midst of a party, leaned up against a tree. i never knew he was human enough to cry. never thought it remotely possible. but he did, right then and there. shaking and crying and completely incapable of coherent thought.  right then, he seemed so fragile

                                           right then, he seemed so human.
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tess came home from spain two weeks later. she was paler and thinner and looked utterly worn down but she was alive and she was home and she was back in his arms. and he wasn't letting her go. he didn't tear up, but i did. i did because i know two kids in love when i see it. and they were so in love.

they were smiling. i don't think since then i have ever seen two people more happy to be alive and be together. she was weak and shaking but then he held her up and they were just glad to be back wrapped around each other. i think there could have been a thousand other people in the room and they wouldn't have noticed. he deserved this, i thought. he had witnessed too much sadness in too few years. right then, he deserved to be happy.

                                            right then, he deserved to be in love.
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we were sitting next to each other at the dinner table. i don't know why he had bothered to come home. had no clue why he bothered to set foot inside that house for another second. it felt so strange, having my brother there. he didn't belong there anymore, and it made me sad that he had ever had a place in that hellhole. but there he sat stalwartly shoveling potatoes from plate to mouth and there was dad screaming from across the table.

and there i sat overwhelmed by confusion and anger and wondering what i had done this time to warrant such a tirade. i was shaking and i didn't know why. only i knew. and my brother knew too. and right then, he leaned over and whispered in my ear. "i won't let him hurt you ever again."

                                              right then, i realized my brother was the only real family i had.

and i love him unconditionally